likeadoll:

“I hate Clifford the Big Red Dog. I hate him! There’s fifty books about Clifford the Big Red Dog. Fifty books. There’s seven books about Narnia that cover the birth and death of a nation and mice with swords and a lion who’s a god. They did it in seven books. Fifty books about Clifford the Big Red Dog and they all tell the exact same story: Look how big this dog is. That’s it. That’s it. Look how big this dog, the whole book. Here’s how big he was at the firehouse. Here’s how big he was a Thanksgiving. Who gives a shit? You just drew him big! You just, on purpose, made him bigger than people! It should be ‘Look how big I drew the dog in this book. Isn’t that a mistake?’ There’s no story, you maybe even just drew him closer to the page, I don’t even know if you did it honestly.

Tell a story about Clifford, make something happen. Maybe he steps on a policeman and he shatters his spine and it’s devastating to the community. He hangs on for two months and then dies. And then there’s a whole funeral with bagpipes and everybody’s crying and Clifford gets the death penalty. There’s a whole book about his appeal process and how he found Jesus but everyone said it was bullshit. The cop’s wife is like ‘I want that dog dead!’ And then he goes to the chair and they shave all his red fur off and now he’s Clifford the Big Pink Dog. They put him on a big, funny electric chair the town got together and built.”

Louis CK: Live at the Beacon Theater